For some, the word preteen may strike fear into their hearts, but for me, it brings joy! I have worked in a children’s ministry setting for twenty years and have been in the trenches with all ages. But every time I find myself in a class with preteens, I am reminded they are my favorite. There is something special about this age that I click with. They are young enough that they don’t shun me as the “mom” but old enough that I can have honest conversations and genuine relationships with them. And, in my opinion, that one word—relationship—is the key to all things preteen. 

I can have the best content prepared and the most incredible game ready to play, but it all falls flat if I don’t take the time to develop a relationship with my preteen students. They want us to see, hear, and know them, just as we want to be seen, heard, and known. So, I treat them that way while remembering that they are kids, not adults. It is a fine line, but one that we need to draw. If we start with relationships as a priority in our ministry, then the other things fall into place. Your students will want to hear what you say and do what you ask them to do when they feel you are invested in them. But how do you get there?

For me, it’s time and genuine curiosity about who the students are and what they love. Then, I put that into practice by remembering and talking about them when we are together. On top of that, I share real stuff about who I am and what I love. It helps that I still build Lego sets and play video games, but I consider it part of the gig. It is much easier to engage with them if I do the things they do and genuinely try to enjoy them. That all comes out as part of regular conversation and using personal stories when I teach. It’s just as vital for them to know me as it is for me to know them.

Some weeks, relationship-building can be challenging, so one thing our church started doing was hanging out with students outside of a church setting. Throughout the year, we get our preteens together to hang out. Laser tag, bowling, board game nights, video game tournaments, rock climbing—whatever activities your students are interested in. Changing the activities addresses various interests and gets more students involved, even if they don’t attend every event. An extra win to these hang-out events is the ability for students to bring their unchurched friends to hang out, too.